Shut In

Shut In

You were the only one close to me

The only one who could see

My intuitions my pain my suffering

Since you left the people I’ve been repudiating

Swore that I’d never let another that close

Keeping away the one thing I needed most

I fobbed them all and all of their help

Keep them away to keep the pain away from myself

Lost the friends I could’ve had endless trepidation

Pain inside eats away with no point of accumulation

Killing me away too late for succor

Getting hard to believe I didn’t want to be cared for

Feeling consternation from too many voices in my head

Listening to you but never heard a word you said

Laugh at me as I make this my last hurrah

Holding it in my mind created my hydra

Love and hate two emotions that are too close of kin

So different but so alike to me they are both a sin

My sanity the anguish is beginning to masticate

There is no turning back now it’s too late

Being going on for so long but it seems so sudden

There’s no doubting it now it’s all here I’m a shut in

I’ve become the only thing that I have ever feared

My scars by grief have now been seared

Past present and future all seems too dark

My life meant nothing at all in stark

My only shtick is that of being a user

Shut myself in to become a loser

Self insomnia has become copious

No longer belonging no longer feeling homosapious

Tormented so long I have become corded

Thoughts in my head being distorted

For sanctum I’ll make this deal

The time is now to tell how I feel

Start the violence bring the end

Peace is a dream for life never mends

The paradox is true in all my words

I carry with me the end time so you’ve heard

All will happen because of my simple promise

But if you are the one who can stop it I’ll call an armistice

Keeping it inside destroying my depot

That is why my feelings I will never let show

So are you happy now that you know

 For my only friend is my only foe